written by Stephanie Weiss, LSW, Clinician at Jewish Family Service of MetroWest NJ and presented during “Academic Pressures & How to Talk to Your Teens: Moving Past the ‘It was fine'” provided parents of teens with knowledge and practical tools to support their teens through this stressful stage of life, as well as how to communicate and connect with them effectively.
Teens today are facing an immense amount of pressure: pressure to get into the best colleges, to be the best at their sport, to have a robust resume of extracurriculars, all while navigating the complicated developmental stage that is adolescence. With that, adolescence is also such a powerful developmental stage where teens are developing their independence and sense of self, learning from their environment, and building resilience. Juggling it all is hard, and as adults who want to be supportive, it can feel like we don’t know exactly what we are supposed to do be most supportive. Here are some tips to help you support the teens in your life.
Be a role model of the behaviors you want to see
Teens learn so much from their environment. Consider how you respond to distressing situations and what your teens may be observing. This may mean checking in on and developing your own emotional regulation skills.
Promote healthy coping skills.
There are countless healthy ways to cope with stress in our lives. Consider trying out new activities like doing something creative, trying a new workout, deep breathing, or meditation. Not every coping skill will work for everyone, so being open to exploration is a great way to learn what works for you (and encourage it in your teens!)
Do things together. Simply asking questions is not the only way to connect with teens. Doing something you both enjoy together, like watching a movie, cooking, or going for a walk can foster deep connection. This can also serve as natural openings for conversation, without feeling forced.
Listen. It sounds obvious but really use your active listening skills and lean into the things that teens choose to share. Was lunch their favorite period of the day? Ask open-ended questions about lunch and what made it so great.
Allow mistakes to be made. Teens are going to make mistakes and mess up. Not only is that okay but it is an important part of building resilience and problem-solving skills. Resist the urge to jump into fixing mode immediately. Rather, allow them to work through challenges themselves, while still offering support.
Define what success looks like to you. Reconnecting with what is important to you and your teen can help quiet the outside noise of what “success” looks like. Consider the values that are important to you and how you can cultivate them in your teen.
Provide unconditional love and support. This does not mean allowing harmful behaviors or letting boundaries be crossed. Rather, work to separate your feelings of anger or frustration about a situation from the love you have for the person. Teens especially need to know that they are loved and supported, even when things are hard.
Be observant and seek outside help when needed. You do not need to be an expert in mental health to be supportive. If you notice changes in your teen’s mood, behavior, or daily ability to function that are concerning to you, talk to them about it in a supportive, non-judgmental way and consider seeking outside support.
